When the new job honeymoon is replaced by performance anxiety

Question:

I have what I know is a very first-world problem, but it really bothers me and might be hindering my career.

Over 15 years in the workforce, I’ve found that I get disillusioned and disappointed easily. I often love my new job and have been lucky to have mostly good employers, but over time I get downhearted and start to worry my work is bad and everyone can see it. I’ve been told this is “just imposter syndrome” and “everyone has it” but I don’t find this advice helpful.

I don’t think I’m an imposter. I just don’t value my own opinion of my skills. I am very reliant on what a friend once described as “external validation” and I feel that comes when I apply for jobs and in the first few months of a new job. Is there anything I can do to fix this?

Answer:

Over time, as the lustre of newness wears off, and the excitement of “I got the role!” fades, a job can begin to feel pedestrian, even tedious. In the same way, colleagues’ and bosses’ enthusiasm about “the new person” dissipates as well. It’s not that we’re no longer liked or appreciated (we hope not, anyway); it’s just that others’ desire to keep mentioning how good we are at our job or how lucky an organisation is to have us naturally declines. We all settle into routines and, often, consistent encouragement or reassurance isn’t part of those post-‘honeymoon period’ work patterns.

Now, just because the waning exuberance is usual and to be expected doesn’t make your situation any easier. What may alleviate some of your worry, though, is the fact that you’re not on your own in feeling this angst. In fact, a reader sent a question a couple of years ago, describing a similar love of applying for, and being offered, jobs. This brings me to your friend’s suggestion that you’re reliant on “external validation”.

That may describe you in a very broad sense, but it does sound a little bit accusatory (or dismissive) and I don’t think you should worry that this is some kind of failing. In fact, I think it’s entirely normal to want to know what others, particularly trusted colleagues, bosses and clients, think of your work.

You worry that you don’t value your own opinion, but I read that and think “That sounds sensible.” Unless you work in a field where there are definite, fixed answers to every problem or challenge, it’s difficult judging yourself. Better, I think, to under-emphasise your own self-assessment than to over-emphasise it and become one of those colleagues we’ve all sadly encountered that assumes their work is unfailingly brilliant. Or, worse, someone so self-certain they come to believe any mistake must be someone else’s fault, and anyone else’s ideas or opinions are necessarily incorrect.